Crikey. What a day! I haven’t work so hard since the referendum campaign. Actually, that was a darn sight easier. I didn’t have to remember anything. They just pushed me on stage and I made stuff up. But this? There’s lines to learn. Places to stand. Cues to remember. It’s all a bit much, quite frankly. Who’s idea was this anyway.
*Boris paces back and forth in front of a mirror*
Only a week to go now, old boy, before we take Doncaster by storm like Pericles’ shook Athens! Then onto Sheffield, Steel City! You can do it. One last push. Time to charge at this beast like you’re rugby tackling a small child to the ground. Onwards, Bozzer!